Changing the course of your life can begin with one simple thing: your internal dialogue. Not necessarily the words you share with others, but rather, the words that you say to yourself. As women, we’re all guilty of it. You know, that little voice in our heads, that keep us from our goals, from our confidence, from our sense of wellbeing, love, and compassion? The one that says that you aren’t enough? It’s a constant struggle, and for most of us, it started long before we can even remember. Can you remember when you were a confident, free-spirited, risk-taking, laughter ridden little girl ready to take on the world? Now, can you remember when all of that changed?
Maybe it was what someone said to you, an opinion you overheard, a criticism, a judgment… whatever it may have been, we’re going to dare ask the question – what happened to her, and why can’t you be that way today?
Why can’t you be confident, self-loving, and self-appreciative?
Why shouldn’t you be able to do the things you wish, become strong, and empower yourself?
Maybe it was others, but maybe, just maybe, it’s a culmination of all the self-doubt, negative self-talk, and poor self-love we’ve been dosing ourselves for years. So yeah, what you say to yourself matters, and we’re going to take a good look at what those things are in our internal dialogue and how we can stop telling them to ourselves.
“I’m not good at this, I’m not good enough”
It’s not okay to let someone else make you feel like your not good enough. And it’s not okay to let yourself tell yourself that you’re not good enough, seriously. Before you say, ‘I’m not good at this’, take a good hard look at your effort. What could you have done better? Are you missing something? Did you give it your very best effort and still failed, or did you halfway try and give up? The simple fact that you care, that you want to do your best, that you strive to enjoy life and love, makes you so much more than “enough”. You were given this life, and these tasks, and those adversities because you are strong enough to live it. You are enough.
“I just give up”
You’re tired, physically and emotionally drained, but you have to keep going. Giving up on yourself and on your goals because of one or two setbacks here and there is like slashing your other three tires just because you got a flat. The road to success isn’t linear and perfectly paved. It grooved, it’s worn out in some places, it rises and it falls, just like life. You already know what giving up feels like. Isn’t it about time to see what happens if you don’t? And yes, this includes giving up on yourself. There’s a difference between interest and commitment. One day you’ll thank yourself for never giving up. Dream big. Work hard. Stay focused on yourself. Surround yourself with good people. Change your internal dialogue from negative to positive and watch it radiate throughout your life.
It’s alright to break, just don’t give up.
“This is too hard”
When life gets hard, don’t wish it to be easier. Decide to be stronger. Maybe take your foot off the gas and stop pushing yourself dry to the bone. If you feel like resting, take a break. And if you’re doing the best you can, stop being so hard on yourself. A healthy relationship with yourself will never leave you feeling disorientated or drained. Loving yourself hard is not synonymous with being selfish. Stop beating yourself up. Stop facing adversity without a sense of optimism, hope, or fortitude. We all have things and goals that we strive to achieve in life. We’re all seeking out ways to improve ourselves. There’s no sense in trying to do it all at once. Make your faith greater than your fear and persevere.
“Plan ‘A’ didn’t work”
Well girlfriend, good thing the alphabet has 25 more letters! No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you’re still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. Be careful not to see failures as stopping points. Failure is simply a test of your willingness to overcome and find a different way of progressing. You don’t want to try anymore? Think again – you’re worth a whole lot more than a single effort. You’ve got to believe in yourself, even when no one else does. You’ve got to tell yourself and radiate opportunity and hope through your internal dialogue so it takes over your mindset and your heart. You’re capable of amazing things, and just because one door didn’t open, doesn’t mean there’s not another right around the corner waiting for you!
“She’s better than me” “I’ll never be as ____ as her”
Newsflash – there are 7.5 billion people in the world and if you’re going to sit there and compare yourself to one, you might as well compare yourself to all. And guess what? There’s always going to be someone out there who’s better than you. That’s not to say you’re not enough, but that is to say, there is absolutely no sense in comparing your level 5 to someone else’s level 26. If you adopt the mentality that you always have to be better than somebody, you’re going to end up being the best one and smartest one in the room, and then you won’t progress. If you’re the smartest, fastest, fittest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room. So why are you trying to drag yourself down, and drag others down with you while you’re at it?
You’re better than that and you must find it within your own heart and mind to understand that instead of comparing, start appreciating and admiring someone for their individuality, not as how they relate to you. Check it out – you’re a real person, in a real world, and you don’t have to prove your existence to anyone else but yourself. You’ll start living better by improving the quality of the air that you breathe, not the air that you give. You’re not perfect. They’re not perfect. Stop trying to be.
“What if I fail”
Let’s put it this way: if it’s important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. Failure and failing and the fear of failure is ultimately just an excuse. Fear regret more than fearing failure because ultimately, fear causes harm if you allow it and fear can cause you to do extraordinary things. If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. Stop doubting yourself. Stop letting fear handicap you. Work hard and make it happen. Someday isn’t a day of the week. Life is only as good as your mindset, and the only judgment you should worry about is the judgment you place on yourself. Live more. Fear less. That doesn’t mean to say you’re going to be successful, but equally, you won’t know what success you can achieve, without trying.
You are Capable of Great Things!
Vie girl, be greater than your greatest excuse. Nothing is worth it in life if you aren’t happy on the inside. If you’re not strong for yourself, if you’re not happy for yourself, if you don’t dedicate the love and worthiness you give to others, to yourself, first, you’re not doing it right. The way your life unfolds will always depend on the attitude you have towards yourself. It’s that simple. Do more than exist. Do more than just float by.
Repeat after me… and now I’ll do what’s best for me because I AM enough!
Get out there and show the world (and yourself!) that beautiful heart and smile, Vie Girl!